Perspective

Superman waits on the sidewalk for his mother to emerge from the bookstore

I've been looking at thousands of news photographs lately, shot by some of the industry's most notable photojournalists. What's intrigued me is the varying perspectives.  In other words, a rather mundane shot can be enhanced into something incredibly  interesting if the photographer simply changes the perspective.  I viewed some of James Nachtwey's works where he shot an average street scene through the jagged opening of blown-out wall, the rubble of the wall framing the shot, making it far more interesting.

I believe this is where photography can lend itself to life, i.e., if we work to change our perspective than we may see things in a more interesting or enlightened way.  For many, they are attached to their own perspective, seeing it as the one and only truth of the world.  If they could only release themselves from that grasp and move a few inches either way it may open up an entirely different world for them.  What would happen if perspective were applied to politics, religion, social morays, etc.?  I contend that we would have a much more inclusive, tolerant, and compassionate world.  Move a little to the right or left and see what the world looks like then.

Veteren

 We get called to a "Difficulty Breathing" patient at an Atlanta bus stop, only a mile or so from where we are in the ambulance.  These calls I normally encourage the EMTs to take, as its more often than not well within their scope of practice.

When we arrive an old, apparently homeless man sits on a bench with an oxygen mask on his face.  He's being cared for by the Atlanta Fire Department that arrived moments before.  He's thin, worn, deeply tanned.  His grey hair streaks down past his shoulders, aged tattoos color his emaciated arms. He tries to speak under the clear plastic mask that is covering his nose and mouth.  "I want to go to the VA", he wheezes out.

"You're a veteran?", I asked him.  "Damn, straight", a bit of swagger now in his voice. I look at the EMT and motion to her that I'll take this call. We help him into the back of the ambulance, collecting up his used oxygen cylinder that he's been towing around the city behind him on a little aluminum dolly.  It's empty.

In the back of the ambulance I fix his breathing issue and motion to the EMT to drive to another hospital but take our time about it.  We set off.

My new friend spent several years in the post-Vietnam era Army, having served in Europe during the Cold War.  I introduced myself as a retired "Army-guy" and then the conversation began.  We talked about places that we had known, units that we served in, and friends that were all-but forgotten.  It occurred to me that my friend probably doesn't get this sort of attention very much.  Then he told me… he's been thinking about killing himself.

The conversation turned sad and grave.  I struggled with so many things that I want to say to him.  I want to help, to listen.  In the back of my mind I made a note to let the hospital staff know, maybe they can do something for him.

In the end, I ensure that he's comfortable in the ER room.  I shake his hand and give him a subtle, little salute.  He smiles and thanks me.  Later that night I watched him exit the ER, dragging his new oxygen bottle behind him into the night.  I wish him well. 

Seeing

  Also from Haiti.  A woman walks along the street carrying her child closely to her.  The little feet sticking our from the blanket make me sad in a way.

In the very early hours of the morning I sat parked in an ambulance at a truck stop and starred into the window of the late-night restaurant.  I had little else to look at aside from my watch, counting the hours until I got off from work and could go home to my own bed. 

Through the window I watched a very heavy-set African American woman, dressed in the cheap, red uniform, push a broom across the floor. If I were any place else I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but here I was a captive audience and couldn't help reflect on what I was witnessing.  Dozens of questions flashed through my mind as I watched the thirty-something woman go about her manual tasks.  Was this where she envisioned fifteen years ago that her life would end up?  What does she dream of, aspire to, or has she resigned her life to where she is now? I couldn't help myself and tried to recreate her life in my mind, I wanted to project myself into her reality.  What were her disappointments, her victories?  What motivates her?  Where, if at all, would she go back and change her life.  Above all, was she happy? The questions kept coming and coming as I watched her through the grimy window.

I suppose my lesson was that everyone has a story, a life, a past, and a present.  I for one am guilty of going through my days at times oblivious to those around me.  I see people but I truly do not "see' them; the man crossing the street with his young son or the woman pushing the broom late at night.  I suppose in many ways this is why I like 911 so much.  For a brief moment in time it's just me in the back of the ambulance with another person, a chance to get to know someone on a deeper more compassionate level, other than just simply seeing them.     

Happines Has Many Forms

What makes people angry?  Lately I've encountered more than my monthly quota of angry people, and have had to endure their rants and raves about everyone in their life that has caused them grief. I listen to stories of liars, cheats, idiots, and thieves as the tellers recount their woes, blaming the world for all of the ills that have effected them.  I attempt to offer counsel, but it's evident that the grieved do not want it.  Instead they're happy to wallow in their own mud hole, as if it gives them a raison d'être; their life is defined by their own anger, they don't seek nor even desire peace.

Happiness, it seems, comes in many forms.  Maybe to some, attention seeking through anger is their form of true happiness, giving them the peace of being surrounded by consoling and attentive "friends". They reach out with their anger like a fisherman casts a line hoping that someone will pay attention and offer the attention that they are looking for. I can't do it. I can't find the compassion within me yet to allow myself to strike at the line and be netted into their world of drama. Instead I ignore, telling myself that this is truly what they need, my inattention is therapeutic for them. That, it appears, is the lie that I tell myself.

Past Mosaics

Oriental rugs for sale 

We went on a 911 call last night to a lady that had fallen.  I let my EMT partner run the call as it was well-within his scope of practice, and I was content to drive the ambulance to the hospital.  Sitting next to me during the 10-minute drive was the patient's brother, an older African American man who struck me as being both very pleasant and very supportive of his sister.

A conversation ensued and I discovered that the gentleman had spent over 15-years working for the U.S. Postal Service, however prior to that he had retired from the U.S. Army after twenty years of military service; that was our common link and became the subject of a short conversation.

What struck me was that my new friend didn't wear his military service nor his time spent in Vietnam on his sleeve.  He confessed that it was his goal when he retired to leave that part of his life behind and to look forward to other new adventures and opportunities.  My friend did not want to be one of those retirees that spent the remainder of his life in the VFW reliving his past; identifying and labeling himself as a veteran for all to see.  He believed that if he did so his entire identity as a person would be contingent on something that he had done many, many years ago and not on who he was today. 

I listened to the wisdom of this man seated next to me in the shadows of the ambulance, and it was as if he were speaking for me as well.  Like him, it was my fervent wish when I left the military; no U.S. Army Retiree baseball caps, no veterans license plates.  It was my life then and now it's not.  It's that simple.

This is not to say that people should not be justifiably proud of their accomplishments in life, but don't let them become your sole identity.  We're all so much more than what we did in the past.  A better measure may be what we are doing right now.

Karma At Barnes & Noble

As I was walking into Barnes & Noble yesterday afternoon a young African American woman approached the door at the same time from the opposite direction. She was nicely dressed in jeans, a colorful shirt, and knee-high boots. Just as she approached the entrance a voice cried out in a leering tone, "You're awesome! I'm married, but you're just awesome. Come over here for a second and talk to me". A middle-aged African American man was leaning up against the wall, obviously waiting for someone, but the girl just continued on her way and eventually entered the store.

I felt sorry for her and the the fact that she had to endure that sort of treatment from a complete stranger on the street. Why did the man feel it was appropriate or acceptable to speak to anyone that way? I wonder what he would say if someone approached his wife or daughter like that. "Wow", I thought, "your karma sucks." Then I realized that it wasn't just his. He affects how that woman, and probably countless others, view men, of which I'm included. So his karma is now linked to mine. When I realized that, I opened the door for the woman and apologized that she had to endure that sort of treatment. Can we delink our karma from others? I don't think so. What one person does, affects us all. Please smile at the next person you see, because that guy at Barnes & Noble is going to need all of the help he can get.

Going Home

When I was younger I realized the meaning of the phrase, "You can never go home". In other words, things continue to change even while you're away and will never truly be the same again. It saddened me greatly as a young adolescent to come to that realization because I considered my "home" to be a rather magical place.

This past week I traveled back to Maine and spent time with both my family and a the myriad of memories that I still have. I was assaulted with smells, sights and sounds, rushing the past to the very forefront of my mind; piles of Autumn leaves, cool breezes through the birch trees, my mother's apple dumplings, each triggering a flood of memories that were like old friends who have not changed at all.

All of this made me re-think my paradigm of never going home, and I came to the comforting realization that you never really leave.

Pay It Forward- Karma

A rusted chain sits in an open Iraqi railway car

I often receive emails from guys that are looking to begin working as protectors, or others that are curious about Zen, or if they should join Special Forces or not. I make an honest and dedicated effort to answer all of their questions and concerns from my little point of view. I caution them that their mileage may vary, and ask them to one day pass the favor on to someone else.

After I hit the "send" button I find myself crafting emails to others, people that I have great respect for and are at the peak of the mountain that I wish to climb. Most of these lately are accomplished physicians who unselfishly impart their wit, wisdom and experience onto me, guiding my decisions, answering my questions, giving me opinions from their points of view. They also caution me about my mileage and I promise them that I will pass on the favor to others. It's karma. That's how it works.

Some Moments Are More Perfect Than Others

Jody Foster had a great line in her 1997 movie, "Contact". While being transported into the heavens she was awestruck by what she witnessed. Jody’s character muttered something to the effect, “They should have sent a poet instead of an astronomer”. That’s how I felt this past weekend in Maine.

My parents’ house in located on a small, wooded hilltop in rural Maine. One morning I sat out on the old brick patio working on a first cup of coffee, and took in the entire moment. The silver-leafed birch trees were swaying in the crisp morning breeze, silhouetted against a clear, unbelievably blue sky. It couldn’t have been anymore than 65 degrees outside and all I could hear was the sound of morning birds, the occasional wind chime hidden away in the forest, and the wind moving through the leaves. Perfect.

Toys

Rebuilt 1968 Toyota Land Cruiser with a triathlon bike strapped to the top.

I think the love of toys is a “guy thing”. I have to admit that I love collecting cool stuff, much to the chagrin of my wife. I often have to juxtapose my toy collection with the Buddhist concept of non-attachment; remembering that it’s all just stuff, and one day it will end up in a landfill just like everything and everyone. Nevertheless, it’s all fun to play with while it’s here!

Right Action

Latrodectus mactans (Black Widow). I found this little one playing among the rocks in our front yard.

My wife and I are at odds over this one. As a Buddhist I’ve taken a vow to follow what is known as the Eight-Fold Path, sort of like eights steps to enlightenment. One of those steps is referred to by practicing Buddhists as, Right Action. Within this step is the practice of cherishing all life and thus not killing. This is where my wife and I diverge. She’ll squish, smash, squash, and gas an offending bug in a heartbeat. I’ve resigned myself to redirecting the wayward creature from inside the house to a more suitable environment.

It’s difficult to go through life cherishing all other life, while at the same time not cherishing any life at all. Buddhism is funny like that. Ha!

Euclidean Geometry and Thomas the Train

Little girl stuck in the fountain at Atlanta's Centennial Park

The most stressful place for the parents of a toddler; the Thomas the Train table in the kids’ section at Barnes and Noble. Kids go there and have a great time playing with the trains, while their parents hover near-by and reprimand their child for even the slightest error in social etiquette. Parents are constantly repeating the mantra, “share, share, say thank you, be nice, say thank you in Urdu". The entertainment is not in watching the kids, but keeping an eye on the parents.

Parents are way too wrapped up in raising the perfect miniature adult, and not so much the best well-rounded child. How many parents do you know that love to show off their child’s latest party-trick? “Bobby can count to a hundred”. “That’s nice, but Sally is mastering Euclidean Geometry”. It’s as if they’re raising game show contestants. I have a three year-old son, and sure I want him to do well in life. To me, that starts with being a good three year old, and not a miniaturized thirty year-old.

Live Life

A father and son walk home from the market.

39 Ways to Live Life

1. Love. Perhaps the most important. Fall in love, if you aren't already. If you have, fall in love with your partner all over again. Abandon caution and let your heart be broken. Or love family members, friends, anyone -- it doesn't have to be romantic love. Love all of humanity, one person at a time.

2. Get outside. Don't let yourself be shut indoors. Go out when it's raining. Walk on the beach. Hike through the woods. Swim in a freezing lake. Bask in the sun. Play sports, or walk barefoot through grass. Pay close attention to nature.

3. Savor food. Don't just eat your food, but really enjoy it. Feel the texture, the bursts of flavors. Savor every bite. If you limit your intake of sweets, it will make the small treats you give yourself (berries or dark chocolate are my favorites) even more enjoyable. And when you do have them, really, really savor them. Slowly.

4. Create a morning ritual. Wake early and greet the day. Watch the sun rise. Out loud, tell yourself that you will not waste this day, which is a gift. You will be compassionate to your fellow human beings, and live every moment to its fullest. Stretch or meditate or exercise as part of your ritual. Enjoy some coffee.

5. Take chances. We often live our lives too cautiously, worried about what might go wrong. Be bold, risk it all. Quit your job and go to business for yourself (plan it out first!), or go up to that girl you've liked for a long time and ask her out. What do you have to lose?

6. Follow excitement. Try to find the things in life that excite you, and then go after them. Make life one exciting adventure after another (with perhaps some quiet times in between).

7. Find your passion. Similar to the above tip, this one asks you to find your calling. Make your living by doing the thing you love to do. First, think about what you really love to do. There may be many things. Find out how you can make a living doing it. It may be difficult, but you only live once.

8. Get out of your cubicle. Do you sit all day in front of computer, shuffling papers and taking phone calls and chatting on the Internet? Don't waste your days like this. Break free from the cubicle environment, and do your work on a laptop, in a coffee shop, or on a boat, or in a log cabin. This may require a change of jobs, or becoming a freelancer. It's worth it.

9. Turn off the TV. How many hours will we waste away in front of the boob tube? How many hours do we have to live? Do the math, then unplug the TV. Only plug it back in when you have a DVD of a movie you love. Otherwise, keep it off and find other stuff to do. Don't know what to do? Read further.

10. Pull away from Internet. You're reading something on the Internet right now. And, with the exception of this article, it is just more wasting away of your precious time. You cannot get these minutes back. Unplug the Internet, then get out of your office or house. Right now! And go and do something.

11. Travel. Sure, you want to travel some day. When you have vacation time, or when you're older. Well, what are you waiting for? Find a way to take a trip, if not this month, then sometime soon. You may need to sell your car or stop your cable bill and stop eating out to do it, but make it happen. You are too young to not see the world. If need be, find a way to make a living by freelancing, then work while you travel. Only work an hour or two a day. Don't check email but once a week. Then use the rest of the time to see the world.

12. Rediscover what's important. Take an hour and make a list of everything that's important to you. Add to it everything that you want to do in life. Now cut that list down to 4-5 things. Just the most important things in your life. This is your core list. This is what matters. Focus your life on these things. Make time for them.

13. Eliminate everything else. What's going on in your life that's not on that short list? All that stuff is wasting your time, pulling your attention from what's important. As much as possible, simplify your life by eliminating the stuff that's not on your short list, or minimizing it.

14. Exercise. Get off the couch and go for a walk. Eventually try running. Or do some push ups and crunches. Or swim or bike or row. Or go for a hike. Whatever you do, get active, and you'll love it. And life will be more alive.

15. Be positive. Learn to recognize the negative thoughts you have. These are the self-doubts, the criticisms of others, the complaints, the reasons you can't do something. Then stop yourself when you have these thoughts, and replace them with positive thoughts. Solutions. You can do this!

16. Open your heart. Is your heart a closed bundle of scar tissue? Learn to open it, have it ready to receive love, to give love unconditionally. If you have a problem with this, talk to someone about it. And practice makes perfect.

17. Kiss in the rain. Seize the moment and be romantic. Raining outside? Grab your lover and give her a passionate kiss. Driving home? Stop the car and pick some wildflowers. Send her a love note. Dress sexy for him.

18. Face your fears. What are you most afraid of? What is holding you back? Whatever it is, recognize it, and face it. Do what you are most afraid of. Afraid of heights? Go to the tallest building, and look down over the edge. Only by facing our fears can we be free of them.

19. When you suffer, suffer. Life isn't all about fun and games. Suffering is an inevitable part of life. We lose our jobs. We lose our lovers. We lose our pets. We get physically injured or sick. A loved one becomes sick. A parent dies. Learn to feel the pain intensely, and really grieve. This is a part of life -- really feel the pain. And when you're done, move on, and find joy.

20. Slow down. Life moves along at such a rapid pace these days. It's not healthy, and it's not conducive to living. Practice doing everything slowly -- everything, from eating to walking to driving to working to reading. Enjoy what you do. Learn to move at a snail's pace.

21. Touch humanity. Get out of your house and manicured neighborhoods, and find those who live in worse conditions. Meet them, talk to them, understand them. Live among them. Be one of them. Give up your materialistic lifestyle.

22. Volunteer. Help at homeless soup kitchens. Learn compassion, and learn to help ease the suffering of others. Help the sick, those with disabilities, those who are dying.

23. Play with children. Children, more than anyone else, know how to live. They experience everything in the moment, fully. When they get hurt, they really cry. When they play, they really have fun. Learn from them, instead of thinking you know so much more than them. Play with them, and learn to be joyful like them.

24. Talk to old people. There is no one wiser, more experienced, more learned, than those who have lived through life. They can tell you amazing stories. Give you advice on making a marriage last or staying out of debt. Tell you about their regrets, so you can learn from them and avoid the same mistakes. They are the wisdom of our society -- take advantage of their existence while they're still around.

25. Learn new skills. Constantly improve yourself instead of standing still -- not because you're so imperfect now, but because it is gratifying and satisfying. You should accept yourself as you are, and learn to love who you are, but still try to improve -- if only because the process of improvement is life itself.

26. Find spirituality. For some, this means finding God or Jesus or Allah or Buddha. For others, this means becoming in tune with the spirits of our ancestors, or with nature. For still others, this just means an inner energy. Whatever spirituality means for you, rediscover it, and its power.

27. Take mini-retirements. Don't leave the joy of retirement until you are too old to enjoy it. Do it now, while you're young. It makes working that much more worth it. Find ways to take a year off every few years. Save up, sell your home, your possessions, and travel. Live simply, but live, without having to work. Enjoy life, then go back to work and save up enough money to do it again in a couple of years.

28. Do nothing. Despite the tip above that we should find excitement, there is value in doing nothing as well. Not doing nothing as in reading, or taking a nap, or watching TV, or meditating. Doing nothing as in sitting there, doing nothing. Just learning to be still, in silence, to hear our inner voice, to be in tune with life. Do this daily if possible.

29. Stop playing video games. They might be fun, but they can take up way too much time. If you spend a lot of time playing online games, or computer solitaire, or Wii or Gameboy or whatever, consider going a week without it. Then find something else to do, outside.

30. Watch sunsets, daily. One of the most beautiful times of day. Make it a daily ritual to find a good spot to watch the sunset, perhaps having a light dinner while you do so.

31. Stop reading magazines. They're basically crap. And they waste your time and money. Cancel your subscriptions and walk past them at the news stands. If you have to read something, read a trashy novel or even better, read Dumb Little Man once a day and be done.

32. Break out from ruts. Do you do things the same way every day? Change it up. Try something new. Take a different route to work. Start your day out differently. Approach work from a new angle. Look at things from new perspectives.

33. Stop watching the news. It's depressing and useless. If you're a news junky, this may be difficult. I haven't watch TV news or read a newspaper regularly in about two years. It hasn't hurt me a bit. Anything important, my mom tells me about.

34. Laugh till you cry. Laughing is one of the best ways to live. Tell jokes and laugh your head off. Watch an awesome comedy. Learn to laugh at anything. Roll on the ground laughing. You'll love it.

35. Lose control. Not only control over yourself, but control over others. It's a bad habit to try to control others -- it will only lead to stress and unhappiness for yourself and those you try to control. Let others live, and live for yourself. And lose control of yourself now and then too.

36. Cry. Men, especially, tend to hold in our tears, but crying is an amazing release. Cry at sad movies. Cry at a funeral. Cry when you are hurt, or when somebody you love is hurt. It releases these emotions and allows us to cleanse ourselves.

37. Make an awesome dessert. I like to make warm, soft chocolate cake. But even berries dipped in chocolate, or crepes with ice cream and fruit, or fresh apple pie, or homemade chocolate chip cookies or brownies, are great. This isn't an every day thing, but an occasional treat thing. But it's wonderful.
38. Try something new, every week. Ask yourself: "What new thing shall I try this week?" Then be sure to do it. You don't have to learn a new language in one week, but seek new experiences. Give it a try. You might decide you want to keep it in your life.

39. Be in the moment. Instead of thinking about things you need to do, or things that have happened to you, or worrying or planning or regretting, think about what you are doing, right now. What is around you? What smells and sounds and sights and feelings are you experiencing? Learn to do this as much as possible through meditation, but also through bringing your focus back to the present as much as you can in everything you do.

- Leo Babuata

The Perfect Incense

After much searching I’ve found, what I think, is the perfect incense, Nipon Kodo-Hinoki Cypress. A box of 120 sticks can be had at Chopa Imports for $7.50. A box of this has become a permanent fixture in my suitcase.

Life's Experiences

I’m often reminded of the scene in John Wayne’s The Green Berets where our hero is confronted by a very opinionated news reporter about why we are fighting in Vietnam. The Duke stops, looks the reporter dead in the eye and asks, “Have you ever been to Vietnam”? The reporter looks down and sheepishly says. “Well, no”, Wayne just lets out a grunt and walks by.

That one moment has stuck with me my entire life. Later, I went on to become a Green Beret (Special Forces officer) and spent the better part of my adult existence traveling to various troubled spots around the world, but I often ask, for what reason? I’ve struggled for an answer for as long as I’ve been doing this, and truly believe that it’s the need to experience first-hand the realities of our world. I want to taste the smell of the streets of La Paz, or feel the thump of a distant Baghdad car bomb in my chest, or listen to the morning call to pray in an Islamabad mosque. These are things that you cannot read in a magazine or watch on a 2:30 minute news broadcast. You have to be there, you have to embrace the moment and live it. I will not have my life be a regurgitation of someone else’s reality brought to me in a podcast, a book or a TV show.

My one great terror has always been sitting alone in a nursing home, knowing that this wonderful gift of a single life will soon expire, and looking back to the sudden realization that I wasted that gift; that I squandered the opportunity of...‘a lifetime’.

Over the past few years I’ve been to New Orleans, Tijuana, Sa’na, Islamabad, Baghdad, Amman… It’s been utterly fascinating, every step of the way. What a great life!!

Plastic Altars and Roses

I put together a small altar of my room. It consists of half of a milk crate, a plastic bowel filled with dirt and a Turkish incense stick, and a used water bottle half filled with water and a cutting of a flower.

My Iraqi maid is puzzled by my little set-up, but has taken to cutting fresh flowers for the water bottle. I came back from a run to the airport this morning to find a handful of white, baby roses protruding from the bottle. I smiled.

Japanese Death Poem:

Empty-handed I entered the world
Barefoot I leave it.
My coming, my going-
Two simple happenings
That got entangled.

- Kozan Ichikyo
Zen Monk
1360

Incident on Irish

I got shot at today. We got a little too close to an Iraqi army patrol along the airport road, also known as Route Irish, and one of the soldiers put a round into the dirt next to our car warning us off. I let loose with a very un-Zen, “Dickhead!”

One of the biggest threats to the average Iraqi is not aways the insurgents. The Iraqi army and the plethora of private security companies have been known to be pretty judicious with their weapons fire. It’s best to just give these guys a wide berth and let them go about whatever nonsense they are doing at the moment. I’ve found it a good exercise in “ego management”.

A Zen Moment

When it’s quiet, normally in the mornings and mid-afternoons, I sit in zazen a couple of times a day on a makeshift zafu and zabaton, while using an online "meditation timer" with my laptop.

I’m currently reading Guido Nishijima’s translation of Master Dogen’s Shobogenzo, Book 1. It’s become a very slow read for me, normally only a couple of pages at a time, because there is just so much to consider. I wonder if I’ll ever see the subsequent volumes.

Nishijima is Brad Warner’s current teacher. Brad is a pretty colorful guy, and maintains a great blog of his own, Hardcore Zen.