Monday, January 7, 2008

Fear and Wanderlust

I have one fear in life, which I've had for as long as I can remember. I'm terrified of waking up one day, seated in a nursing home at the end of my time and suddenly realizing that I have wasted the greatest gift of all, a human life. I can't imagine the nightmare of knowing that you've reached the end of your time on earth and have done absolutely nothing with it.

We all have a finite amount of days to roam the earth (or heavens) and make of life what we will. When those days are up there's nothing anyone or anything can do for us. I came to this realization as a little boy and have spent my entire life running from this nightmare of ending up like that. For me the solution is to travel; to travel to as many places as I can and see as many things as I can possibly devour.

My very first attraction to my latter-to-be-wife was the fact that she had climbed Mt. Fuji and Mt Kilimanjaro. I was awed that this young, single woman struck out and traveled to remote places and had done what others write about or watch on the Discovery Channel. Here was someone that was living her life.

I'm saddened a little that my wanderlust wife now sits at home chasing our soon-to-be 4 year-old while I'm out still fending off my fear. Soon, I think that our son will be old enough to travel comfortably and we'll start doing so as a family. I only hope that he develops the same 'fear' that I grew up with.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It could be that when she reaches that day of becoming infirm and looking into the end of her time, that she will be able to look back and say that, at least she was able to watch her children grow up oblivious to the fear, upheavel, struggle, and violence that their father has had the fortune (good or bad) has witnessed in the eyes of the children that have crossed his pathway through these long years.
Rewards and experiences fall under a wide spectrum of names and lables. All parts of life are experiences, including that ego that you continually struggle with. :)
Still, climbing Fujiyama and Kilimanjaro are damned incredible experiences.